Double Edged
by TheLostMaximoff
Summary: Everyone has more than one side to them. So what exactly is Terra? Is she the victim, the victimizer, or somewhere in between?
1. Victim

ATTENTION: These two stories are two one-shots that have to do with two different sides to the ending of the episode, 'Terra'. If you're reading this first one and it looks familiar don't be alarmed. 'Rocks in My Head' has now been deleted and this has taken its place. The couplet as a whole has a different title but the two pieces still have their original titles inside the documents. If you're confused it's okay because I am too. That is all.

Rocks in My Head

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters.

I really am stupid sometimes. Correction, I'm stupid all the time. I'm just such a screw-up. I try so hard but it all just blows up right in my face. Everything's fine and then, wham, life drops a big boulder on me and crushes everything.

They probably think I'm a total spazz. They probably don't like me anymore. I don't really know why they would in the first place. Who was I trying to kid? Me become a Teen Titan? Yeah, right. That's way too good for me. I mean I almost got Beast Boy killed and it's all no big deal to them. Well, it's a big deal to me. It shouldn't be, really; stuff like this happens all the time around me. I'm a walking disaster. Slade was right. Everywhere I go all I do is hurt people. I don't deserve to have friends.

Why did they have to be so nice to me? No one's ever nice to me. Oh sure, at first they are but after they see what I can really do I get ran out of town. But the Titans didn't care about all that. Beast Boy almost got seriously hurt because of me but they still wanted me on the team. That makes absolutely no sense. I guess that's why I ran away. I mean it wasn't that I thought Beast Boy told everybody. Any idiot can probably see I have no clue what I'm doing when it comes to this superhero stuff. Robin would've figured it out eventually. I just needed some kind of excuse. I needed a reason to say no.

I hate my life. I try to play it off like everything's cool. Yeah, I'm just a wandering, carefree soul who goes where life takes me. It's all total shit. I used to think what I wanted more than anything in the world was a home and friends. It doesn't make any sense that I would run away from probably the best chance at having that. I'm too scared to take that chance though. Everybody thinks it's so cool to be on your own. You've got no rules, no responsibilities, no one to answer to but yourself. How could life be any better, right? Wrong. Being alone means no friends, no family, and no home. It sucks, plain and simple.

I bet he thinks I'm a real bitch right now. He was so nice to me too. I really did like him. Why'd I have to go and blow up at Beast Boy like that? I could've just told them I didn't feel ready or made up something else. No, I have to be Tara the little melodrama queen and make a big, nasty scene about it. The whole control thing is such an issue with me too. That's why I made him promise in the first place. It's caused me a lot of pain and I just don't want to talk about it or make it such a big deal. That still doesn't give me much of a right to yell at him like I did though.

I turn back to look at the city. The tower rises above everything else. It would've been a nice place to call home but I can't go back there. I turn away and spot a familiar friend. It's back to my cave again, the only home I feel like I really have. It's actually a decent place, really. It could maybe use a new color scheme. Earth tones get a little boring after awhile.

I'm really only fooling myself. If I had any common sense left in me I'd run back to that tower and never leave it ever. I'd tell Beast Boy I acted like a total idiot and beg him to forgive me. I'd tell them all I'd be glad to join the team and how much of an honor it would be to be a Teen Titan. I'd be the best teammate they ever had and get total control over my powers. Everything would all work out perfectly.

I feel myself start to cry. Nothing is perfect and nothing ever will be. No matter how hard I try I'll never be good enough to deserve them. I could learn everything about my powers but I still wouldn't be good enough. This is what my life is supposed to be like. I'm supposed to be alone. It's what I deserve for being so stupid. I'm not supposed to have friends. They'll just end up getting hurt like everyone else.

I crawl into the darkest part of the cave and lay down, curling myself into a little ball. I can feel the tears running down my cheeks. I've cried myself to sleep a lot of times in the past. This time crying doesn't seem to help ease the pain though. This time I feel even lousier. Nobody ruined my shot at happiness this time but me.

I feel the stone under me soften into clay. It's not a pillow but I'm used to making due with what's available. A blanket of loose dirt covers me. Not too many people would find this comfortable. Not too many people have lived my life or been put in my position. I sniffle a little bit. My hand moves up to my hair. I lost my hair clip. I feel rotten about that too. I've had that since Mom gave it to me when I was little. It reminds me of my parents. I close my eyes and try to get some sleep. I wonder if he has it now. Did Beast Boy find it? I hope maybe he did. I hope that he'll keep it and every time he looks at it he'll think about me. The thought of him actually wanting to remember me makes me sadder. As I drift to sleep I can only ask myself one question. Why is it that God decided to give me a head full of rocks instead of a brain?


	2. Victimizer

With Friends Like These

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. This is the other side of the ending of the 'Terra' episode. Little bit darker than the other one.

He lied to me. I can't believe he lied to me. I made him swear not to and then he goes and tells Robin. He promised he wouldn't, promised me he'd never tell. I guess a promise doesn't mean very much to him. It does to me.

I should've guessed. Nobody likes me unless they can get something out of me. It happens all the time, practically everywhere I go. People use me and lie to me to get what they want for themselves. I try to be good but someone always has to want something from me in return for their supposed kindness. I try to make friends but they all turn on me in the end and leave me alone. Why should this time be any different? Why should I have expected them, the so-called saviors of the city, to be any different than the rest of the world? The Teen Titans. Maybe they're not so good and righteous after all. Maybe Beast Boy's not the guy I thought he was. Whatever, I don't care anymore.

My feet have carried me far away from the city and into the dusty desert and winding canyons where I came from. My legs are tired and I decide to give them a break by sitting down on a large rock. I stare out into the distance, away from the city. The desert's beautiful at night. Out here, it feels like I'm the only one on Earth. Out here I'm truly alone and right now I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't need them; don't need anyone. I've survived by myself okay so far. Forget all this personal attachment crap. All it does is get someone hurt in the end. I don't need any friends.

I absently pick up a rock and toss it into the air before catching it again. I repeat the process as my mind drifts back to the Titans. Beast Boy. I trusted him. I liked him, really liked him. Why couldn't he have just kept his big mouth shut? He promised he wouldn't tell and I believed him. God, I'm such an idiot! I throw the rock in my hand on the ground and feel my eyes begin to water.

'_It's okay, Tara,_' says a voice. I hear a voice in my head sometimes. It's a nice voice, a friendly one. It talks to me when I'm sad or tells me what to do when I'm angry or in a jam. I don't really know whose voice it is. It sounds different from my regular thoughts so I know that's not it. I used to think it was the ground talking to me but I don't really know for sure. I don't question where the voice comes from very much because it's been good to me. Sometimes I think it's my only friend.

'_Of course I am, silly,_' chides the voice, '_Haven't I always been there for you?_'

"Yes," I reply aloud. Since I'm alone most of the time I have this habit of talking to myself or answering the voice aloud. That's another habit I don't question very much.

'_See, you don't need anyone else,_' assures the voice, '_especially not them._'

"But they were so nice to me," I tell the voice, "I really wanted to be their friend."

'_I know,_'replies the voice sympathetically, '_They always seem that way at first though, don't they?_'

"Yeah, they do," I agree sadly. I feel a twinge of anger rise in me. Why? Why am I doomed to live my life alone without anyone else in the world to turn to? I start to get mad but then I quickly stop because I'm afraid to lose control again.

'_It's okay to feel angry, Tara,_'the voice tells me, '_It's perfectly healthy._'

"But I hurt people when I'm angry," I tell it, "and I don't wanna lose control." I hate it that I can't control my powers. No matter how hard I try it just never seems to help.

'_Tara, it's not healthy to hide your feelings,_'explains the voice, '_You know that._'

"Yes," I reply quietly, "Yes, I know that."

'_And you should be angry because they hurt you,_'says the voice, '_Just like everyone else does . . .except for me._'

"No, you'd never do that," I tell it, "You're always there for me."

'_Yes, I'm always there for you,_'replies the voice, '_You're angry at the Titans. You should let me handle it, Tara. You should let me have a few words with them._'

"No, I . . .I don't think you should," I tell it in a worried tone. Whenever I get mad or lose control it's like my real self is suddenly replaced by someone else. It's like I can't handle all the stress so I let someone else do it for me.

'_Yes, I should,_'replies the voice, '_Do you remember that time in Gotham, Tara? Do you remember what those nasty men tried to do to you?_'

"They," I choke, "They chased me into a dead-end alley. They . . .they put their hands on me and tried . . .tried to . . .." I feel the tears start to come as I remember that night. The filthy scene replays itself in my mind and I feel the familiar rage bubble up inside me like hot magma. How dare they try to do that to a sixteen-year-old girl.

'_Yes,_'agrees the voice, '_How dare they. And do you remember crying out for help? Do you remember asking me for help?_'

"Yes," I reply tearfully, "There was no one else around to hear my pleas except you."

'_I helped you, Tara,_'says the voice, '_I took care of those vile men for you, didn't I?_'

"Yes," I repeat.

'_I made them scream and beg for mercy just as they had tried to get you to do. I made sure they never laid a hand on anyone ever again,_'continues the voice, '_I always take care of you, don't I? I always know what's best for you, Tara._'

"Yes," I repeat again. I can remember watching that night as the ground beneath their feet swallowed those men whole, burying them alive. Their screams were like music.

'_You're angry at the Titans and you should be,_'the voice reminds me, '_No one should treat you that way._'I feel the ground start to quake. No one should use me. I'm sick of it. Everyone lies to me, everyone. I hate it!

'_You should hate it,_'says the voice, '_Get mad, Tara. It'll feel so good to let your anger out. You know you want to. You know you want revenge._'

"Yes!" I shout. I feel the earth tremble and moan beneath my feet. It rocks and shakes and rumbles with all my fury. I hate them, hate them all. I tried to be their friend but they couldn't accept me and he couldn't keep his promise. I wasn't good enough for them. I'm never good enough for anyone! I feel myself start to slip away. Suddenly I am watching all these things happen as if I am a bystander and not an instigator. I see myself lose control out here in the middle of nowhere but it doesn't feel like I'm in the driver's seat. Then as quickly as I realize I'm not in control, the anger subsides and the tremors fade away.

'_That felt very good, didn't it?_'asks the voice, '_You feel much better now._'

"Yes," I reply, "Much better." I do feel better. Sometimes it's okay to lose control, to lose yourself in something. We all need a release once in awhile. You can't bottle it up and store it inside you forever.

'_You know who the enemy is now,_'says the voice, '_You know what you want._'

"Revenge," I reply coldly as I stare towards the city, "I want revenge."

'_See, Tara,_'the voice tells me, '_I always know what's best for you. Aren't I such a good friend?_'

"Yes," I reply as I feel the bitter rage begin to gnaw at me, "You're the best friend I could've asked for."

'_That's right,_'agrees the voice, '_And not only am I the best friend you have, I'm also the only friend you'll ever need. All you have to do is listen to me and everything will be fine._'

"Go ahead," I reply as I feel another round of tremors starting in me, "I'm listening."


End file.
